Are you too tired of buttoning your shirt up all the way? In today’s college world, the kids are just too busy to run around worrying about how to tie a proper windsor knot. When it’s time to unwind, they’d rather roll in the mud than enjoy a sporting round of golf at the country club. If you can relate to this at all, you might just think that prep is dead. The death of the preppy is a widespread phenomenon, stemming from notions of “individuality,” “rebelliousness,” and a “hatred of the man.” If you’ve found your compatriots becoming less prompt to rowing practice in the morning, it’s possible the disease has set in. Be wary of other signs of decay, like an unbuttoned collar at Sunday dinner, or a surplus of jewelry unbefitting of a gentleman. Should you begin to feel a certain distaste for attending mass, or perhaps a disdain for the gentleman’s game of cricket, seclude yourself immediately lest you fail to resist the urge to cut your trousers above the knee. Leading scientists have pieced together a single cure for this disease: a month long sabbatical to the cape for days full of boating and ordering people around, sustained on a diet of sparkling white wines (costing at a minimum $100 a bottle), and clothed in the finest tailored linen suiting available. Should all of this fail, then a person has almost certainly undergone an irreversible metamorphosis. At last, hear their cry of, “Long live creativity, power to the people and I’ll never wear boat shoes again!”
- words by Elliot Biagotti
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